Andy Villa
02-08-2004, 01:48 AM
WHAT DO YOU DRINK?
A recent magazine survey, interviewed 50 bartenders and they were
asked if they could identify a customer's personality by what
drinks they ordered.
Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK....
Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the arse.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.
Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc
Personality: Easy,.... thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk
and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub. Nothing to do but wait.
IF MEN DRINK...
(As always, very simple and clear cut.)
Cider: He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer: He's poor or a student and wants to get laid.
Premium Local Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness: The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water: He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his
mouth so that he can still get laid.
Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy: Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf.
Desperate to get laid.
Port: Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky: He doesn't give two ****s about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels: Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about
feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into
getting laid.
Rum or Tequila: Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
He's gay,(blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change. Or u will get laid…
A recent magazine survey, interviewed 50 bartenders and they were
asked if they could identify a customer's personality by what
drinks they ordered.
Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK....
Beer
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the arse.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Scotch and soda
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.
Water
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.
Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc
Personality: Easy,.... thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.
Cape Velvet
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk
and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub. Nothing to do but wait.
IF MEN DRINK...
(As always, very simple and clear cut.)
Cider: He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer: He's poor or a student and wants to get laid.
Premium Local Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Guinness: The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Water: He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his
mouth so that he can still get laid.
Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka or Brandy: Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf.
Desperate to get laid.
Port: Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky: He doesn't give two ****s about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels: Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about
feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into
getting laid.
Rum or Tequila: Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc:
He's gay,(blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change. Or u will get laid…